Checking the mechanical integrity

Checking the mechanical integrity

Let me then proceed to do things poorly.

In the hope that perhaps some of this may yet be useful.

Sometimes you just need to throw it out there whether it's well built or not.

The past few months have been a rough trek; fruitful in more ways than I can count. Rough in enough ways that it's been difficult accounting for the net positive flow.

A while back, I mentioned here that I needed to balance the differences. That I'd taken a look at where I was spending my time, and realized that the fiction writing needed to be more up front than I'd allowed it to be.

There's more to that than just time. I'm not all that well screwed together. Now, I realize that I was seeing the front end of what became a deeper swale.

I did something last night that I haven't done in a while. Haven't been able to do in a while.

I laughed at myself. And truly, for reasons that don't much matter other than that I am just as silly a fool as I've ever been.

I've a few purely mechanical things I need to institute. Breaks and brakes. I don't need to wait two years to make myself take a vacation, for one thing.

Do you know how much you mean to me? Yes, *you*. You're a light in the storm, you're a freshening wind on a hot still day.

You're the story when I need one, the outrage when I can't allow myself to. The game and the rhyme and the sound and the thump'n bass...

the fingernail scratching a trail up my spine. the hand at the base of my neck. the warm throaty voice in my ear at three in the morning.

You. Named, unnamed, you're a lifeline and I'm so grateful to you you can't imagine. I'm a poor correspondent, but I am full to bust with love for you and what you do.

Being a little loosely put together means that I can tear things apart when I need to. Pull the mechanism to get a good luck at how the wear surfaces have been holding up.

And, when everything is apart, when I've had a good look at myself, put it back together again for the next stage of this thing we call life. I have my giggle, I have my goals, I have a handful of well-worn tools and a pile of similarly used parts.

This is where I am. I look through a screen that, however clear it might first appear, gets awful fuzzy when I try and view where you are, what you're going through.

I hope, if you need me, what I put here, now and before and ever after this moment means a little something to you. Helps you. Or, if not, that you'll find the someone else who's there for when you need. Let's you and me look past the dark.

To the dancing sparks blowing out from the campfire.